Twix has been giving people in the good old US of A a moment to chew things over for over 30 years now which, according to the laws of decision dynamics, means more than enough time for all parties venerable and candy-conscious to have come down firmly on one side of the “I likes it” fence or the other. It’s younger sibling, Peanut Butter Twix popped out of Mars inc. in 1983, and while it never seemed to see the same massive exposure as its caramel-coated forbear, it’s graced enough mouths to safely assume that the collective jury’s long since been called back. The verdict? Apparently Twix Peanut Butter didn’t quite cut the mustard since the bar was retired in 1997. Three long years of dimly lit basements, high priced e-bay lots, and neighbors against brothers may or may not have ensued before Peanut Butter Twix enthusiasts were overjoyed to learn that Mars hadn’t forsaken them. 2000 saw the release of a tricked out, generation NOW! Peanut Butter Twix redux known as “Twix PB.” Fans rejoiced, returned to the light and thanked whatever is in charge that one thing, at least, seemed right in the world.
But was it?
If you’ve bitten into a Twix PB lately, perhaps looking for an opportunity to temporarily obfuscate some or other of your many wrong doings with a hastily concocted ploy, you’ve probably noticed that the wafer’s changed. Specifically, the wafer’s no longer plain, but rather chocolate. Sound good? To many it may– but while I don’t entirely disagree with the premise, I take issue with the execution.
First, the chocolate wafer can’t hold a candle to the original. This has less to do with the wafer’s flavor and more to do with the wafer’s consistency, which is distinctly crumblier and lacks the crisp bite that makes the original Twix such an appealing blend of textures. This could perhaps be forgiven if the chocolate wafer had any real merit beyond filling up space– space, I might add, which crumbles away too fast for even glib Mars executives to think of a way to distract us. While the milk chocolate coating and creamy subcutaneous peanut butter are without fault, they’re powerless against the forces of mediocrity that seem to have taken a particularly strong interest in this bar. Eating Twix PB is not unpleasant, but fans of the original will thank Mars (totally sarcastically) that, at least in this country, they’ve got a constitutionally protected right to horde Peanut Butter Twix in cool, dark places.
“Be[twixt] thought and expression, there lies a lifetime.”