Archive for the ‘Candy Tips’ Category

If Chunky were developed today, it’s a fair bet the name wouldn’t pass muster in many focus groups. Yet, for over seven decades it has remained defiantly on the shelves, proudly shouting out its incredibly apropos (and rather insinuating) name in husky red letters. My advice is not to take offense. Even if you live large, the Chunky is hardly your worst enemy.

Why?

It fills you up! That’s right, for a measly 1.4 ounce bar, the Chunky’s power to stave off hunger approaches the uncanny. The combination of milk chocolate, peanuts and raisins– long used to great effect in trail-mixes— works magic here as well. A single Chunky– while undeniably a mouthful– is neither too sweet, nor too insubstantial, which is more than can be said of most chocolate bars. You aren’t going to be gulping down aspirin or rooting in the cupboard for chips after a Chunky, is what I’m trying to say. You’re going to want to run up a mountain without stopping.

Also, its double Trapezoid shape reminds me of Optimus Prime before Michael Bay blew chunks all over him.

His gleaming torso was inspired by the Chunky

Celebrate Chocolate Bars of All Shapes and Sizes at Candy.com!

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27 Jan

Rage Against the Dying of the Zagnut 0

If you’ve never seen a Zagnut, you’re not alone. They’ve been on the International Candy Service’s list of critically endangered Sweets since 1979 and even the efforts  of HERSHEY’S, which acquired the brand from D.L. Clark Company in 1996, have not been enough to pull the bars back from the brink that they’ve been teetering on for the past 30 years. And it’s a shame too, because the Zagnut is both unusual and delicious — a unique, but rapidly vanishing part of our American Confectionery heritage. While schools of the rare and beautiful bars — which are composed of crisp, thin layers of a kind of peanut brittle (almost mica like in consistency) coated in toasted coconut– exist in spacious reserves at some of the larger online candy websites, they are essentially impossible to find in their natural habitat on the shelves of local convenience stores.

A rare photo of a Zagnut in the wild

While film and television stars such as Michael Keaton (Beetlejuice), Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte (48 Hours), Fred Willard (SCTV), Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons) and Jason Lee (My Name is Earl) have used their celebrity status to spread awareness of Zagnut conservation, the plight of the Bars remains desperate.

Zagnuts have been seen to inspire great passion

An anonymous poet has recently sent us a bit of verse in honor of the Zagnut, with the hope that his or her words might inspire Zagnut awareness in today’s youth. Touchingly, the paen is structured as a villanelle, an archaic nineteen line form nearly as rare and irrelevant in modern poetry as is Zagnut in modern confectionery.

Probably the last guy to even care about a villanelle

Let us hope and pray that these words shall not soon serve as an epitaph.

The bar the world sang “Sighs! Wherefore such grace?”

Two nuts joined; pressed in rhomboid reverie

Stem and Root, whose fruits envy the other’s place

***

Glory shrinks from those who give it chase

Abiding on the less than likely tree

Zagnut: Peanut, coconut; this is grace

***

Where others clap for chocolate in the race

D.L. Clark, spitting, shouts, “It shall not be!”

“With this one I shall put them in their place!”

***

But every Saint’s a sinner if you trace

The arc whose course terminates in the sea

And find among the floating wrappers, grace

***

The sun sinks into rivers, swims with Dace

And schools of lesser stars sing out in glee

That they should gleam the brighter in its place

***

Yet still, the learned calling for the ace

Shall not drowned out by shriller voices be

Heed the peal of Zagnut: munch it in grace

Help the lost great reclaim its rightful place

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Nostalgic/Retro, Reviews


Whether you’re a cap or a stem fellow, you must surely wager that the latest nostrum from eccentric (and some say deranged) confectioner Wilhelm “Willy” Wonka is, at the very least, no flim-flam.

Modeled after popular fungal fruiting bodies, youths especially shall greet the glad trifecta of patent shapes with enthusiasm. One: a handsome button replete with a squat, ribbed torso, the second: pleasant and conically inclined, the third: a sort of ovate affair, gilled as a berth of folios! Called “Puckerooms” and deriving their flavor with extractions from sundry “fruits,” the mind boggles contemplating the demoniac cunning that has birthed these seeming errata, and it is this author’s contention, at least, that the jaundiced hand of that seldom seen but much discussed diaspora of pygmy confectioners, the “Oompa-Loompa,” shall have been at play. Despite much muttering at Rowntree to the contrary, I say, “well played,” for the machinations of these pagan small persons have in “Puckerooms,” produced an assortment rare in that it pleases the palate as much as the eye— which is more than discerning gastromancers must claim of Bostwick’s Molasses Shoe Black or Plympton & Kegel’s Fagged Lymeswold Clots.


And what of the smack of these pretties? Do not come to disregard our tryst if I say that the “Puckeroom” is vibrant and color-full. The exotic taste of a strange and fecund tropic remains foremost on the tongue, and undiminished with each successive bite. The savor of “cherries” from the groves of the Near East is one variety, being dark and sweet as the fancy inducing perfumes of the same. The “Lemon and Orange”—tart as mature Wensleydale– recalls Iberia, and should remind any who have Yule-tided in Lapland of the curious berries so beloved by those who adorn their hearths with stockings in hope of attracting the pity of St. Niklaus. The “Grape,” meanwhile should prove no obstacle for the salt of any person inclined toward the sopping of “Wines,” though this presentation sadly bears little of its salubrious effects.

If you are a grimme and choleric chappe, continue to drive your hearse-carriage and be done with it, however, do not say to me “I denounce Mr. Wonka’s Puckerooms and their apologists!” for there is enough bluster and smog in the London faire without you! And I would point out to you that “Bubble and Squeak” was once considered “exciting” and “Luciferian.” My only complaint to Mr. Wonka is that the confection is not perhaps as sour as the advertisement marquee otherwise indicates. Be assured, it is no Hessian cheese– though I dare it is no madding crowd who shall not object the fact either!

Wonka’s Sour Puckerooms Gummies are made with the finest natural ingredients (including 25% real fruit juice) and contain Gelatin.

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Reviews

13 Jan

Fit for Mr. Ed 0

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Twix has been giving people in the good old US of A a moment to chew things over for over 30 years now which, according to the laws of decision dynamics, means more than enough time for all parties venerable and candy-conscious to have come down firmly on one side of the “I likes it” fence or the other. It’s younger sibling, Peanut Butter Twix popped out of Mars inc. in 1983, and while it never seemed to see the same massive exposure as its caramel-coated forbear, it’s graced enough mouths to safely assume that the collective jury’s long since been called back. The verdict? Apparently Twix Peanut Butter didn’t quite cut the mustard since the bar was retired in 1997. Three long years of dimly lit basements, high priced e-bay lots, and neighbors against brothers may or may not have ensued before Peanut Butter Twix enthusiasts were overjoyed to learn that Mars hadn’t forsaken them. 2000 saw the release of a tricked out, generation NOW! Peanut Butter Twix redux known as “Twix PB.” Fans rejoiced, returned to the light and thanked whatever is in charge that one thing, at least, seemed right in the world.

man in praise

But was it?

If you’ve bitten into a Twix PB lately, perhaps looking for an opportunity to temporarily obfuscate some or other of your many wrong doings with a hastily concocted ploy, you’ve probably noticed that the wafer’s changed. Specifically, the wafer’s no longer plain, but rather chocolate. Sound good? To many it may– but while I don’t entirely disagree with the premise, I take issue with the execution.

MrEd

First, the chocolate wafer can’t hold a candle to the original. This has less to do with the wafer’s flavor and more to do with the wafer’s consistency, which is distinctly crumblier and lacks the crisp bite that makes the original Twix such an appealing blend of textures. This could perhaps be forgiven if the chocolate wafer had any real merit beyond filling up space– space, I might add, which crumbles away too fast for even glib Mars executives to think of a way to distract us.  While the milk chocolate coating and creamy subcutaneous peanut butter are without fault, they’re powerless against the forces of mediocrity that seem to have taken a particularly strong interest in this bar. Eating Twix PB is not unpleasant, but fans of the original will thank Mars (totally sarcastically) that, at least in this country, they’ve got a constitutionally protected right to horde Peanut Butter Twix in cool, dark places.

“Be[twixt] thought and expression, there lies a lifetime.”

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, Reviews