Archive for the ‘Candy Tips’ Category

3 Mar

Oh Nuts! 0

If you like ‘em, you’re in luck, if you don’t, well, you may want to look for another job—one with a compensation package that doesn’t exchange vacation time and dental insurance for nut-covered bars.

On the Payday Premium Plan, you can say "good bye" to all of this!

Payday operates on a simple premise; trying to fit as many peanuts as possible on a six-inch rod of caramel, possibly inspired by the time the guy that invented it dropped a warm rod of caramel between the cushions of his couch, causing the inevitable stores of peanuts therein to become entrapped in the sticky substance . Just how many of these plucky legumes cling to your average Payday? The answer is about a handful. This might not sound particularly impressive, but remember that most other candy bars that feature peanuts only contain a smidgen. Also, I have huge hands.

My hand, gently mollfying a "normal" hand.

The flavor combination is tried and true, but no less tasty for this. The crunchy peanuts are very salty and find a pleasant partnership with the sweet, chewy caramel. Just one bar has 14% of your recommended daily protein intake and 20% of your recommended daily fat intake, making it a great choice for staying alive while the forest rangers locate you. The caramel tasted slightly rubbery to me at times but as this would certainly never deter a bear, you should eat it anyway.

“In Soviet Union, Payday Pay for You!”

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Reviews

17 Feb

Cherry Bites 0

While not technically licorice, chewy, red, fruit flavored candy ropes such as Twizzlers and Red Vines are certainly more popular than the genuine article in the U.S. Most of these reds approximate a strawberry flavor, but HERSHEY’S Twizzlers have also been available in a bite-size cherry variation since 1990.

When this was cool

Let me preface the forthcoming statements with an assurance that I’m not against fruit snacks. In the fourth grade, for example, “gushers” were worth more than their weight in gold and even the mere suggestion of ones future willingness to facilitate their entrance into the classroom often liberated the potential trafficker from social mores whose neglect would have been considered inadmissible under normal circumstances, such as using the computer during a peer’s allotment, cutting in line WHENEVER he wanted, and not having to participate in read-aloud time. To be sure, I’ve eaten my fair share of glutinous fruit polymer and ken a good gummi when I spy one. I’ve tangoed with Twizzler during many a movie and recall the pairings with fondness.

Nearly this good.

It’s as a friend and neighbor that I implore this product to explain why, in an age of space-travel, quadruple-protein processing ribosomes and 170 mpg vehicles, it tastes like Robitussin. I understand that natural flavors may be more expensive to mass-produce but there must be a better alternative to the blend they’re using now. An open question: medicinal / spiritual incentives aside, does anyone actually enjoy the flavor of Robitussin? Don’t be shy, if you’re out there I want to hear from you and a team of scientists wants to study your brain.

What is it you like about this stuff?

I like the idea of bite-size red icorice snacks. These cherry bites look cool (almost like a little bow, or pile of logs), are stimulating on the tongue due to their smooth, ridged consistency, and are really very juicy, springy and chewy (especially so when fresh). All of these are excellent attributes according my sensibilities, but the taste is just too factory-fire-burn-and-cauldron-bubble for me to consider seeking them out again.

“But you don’t have to take my word for it!”

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Kosher, Reviews

5 Feb

It should be paying me to eat it 0

Just kidding, I actually like the Sugar Daddy, though this flies in the face of my better judgment. As likely to leave you screaming in agony as cooing in delight, the pantheon of modern confectionery has only rarely witnessed such an unapologetic provocateur. Though suckers for punishment may warn that you can’t tiptoe on the wild-side, there are relatively safe ways to enjoy this slab of caramelized Marquis du Sade-on-a-stick. The first mistake people usually make when they meet “The Daddy” is underestimating him. You should expect to lose teeth if you plunge in unprepared with your gums flapping and your jaws gnashing. There is a reason why this “lollipop” has been given a creepy paternal epithet.

Those who’ve beaten the “Beige Baron” know that there are some tricks for going toe-to-toe with the old pudgy pugilist.

Step One: Apply the heat! Leaving a Sugar Daddy on the dashboard of an El Camino in the Mojave desert between 1 and 4 PM in late July is a great way to get the candy just soft enough so that your pearly whites won’t shatter immediately upon contact.

Step Two: Don’t get cocky! Just because you’ve sunk your teeth into it, doesn’t mean you’re going to get them out again. Under no circumstances should you yet bite off a chunk of the Sugar Daddy, as doing so would be a fool’s errand, eminently deserving of the inglorious failure that would unquestionably result. Instead, test the constitution of the candy by taking a series of small bites WITHOUT FULLY PENETRATING IT! The purpose of this step is to aerate the Daddy, undermining its structural integrity and hopefully preparing the way for the successful execution of the mission.

Step Three: Treat it like a sucker. A bath in your venomous saliva will begin to corrode not only the thick surficial layers of tempered caramel, but the cruel snack’s morale as well. The Daddy is sensitive about being called a lollipop and if you’re going to win this battle, you’ve got to be prepared to wage psychological war.

Like this

Step Four: Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Now is the time to start Mr. Ed-ing that bad-boy, but take it easy as even a wounded Daddy is still a formidable opponent, and especially so when back into a corner.

Step Five: Finish up! Respect your opponent enough to complete the job. There’s nothing more ignoble than a bisected Sugar Daddy limping around your apartment for days, getting covered in cat hair. Accept his surrender magnanimously and deliver the coup de grace with the aplomb befitting one of your station, for you may now count yourself among a clan of few and proud.

Try the Whole Fearsome Family

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Nostalgic/Retro, Reviews

3 Feb

Three (?) Flavors! 0

Some folks call it the Supreme Coconut Bar. Me, I just try to call it like I see it.

Erudite.

Whatever it is, it gets a lot of points in the presentation and novelty departments. Literally, a slab of tri-colored coconut, this confection is both pretty and unpretentious. I was excited to try it since I’m a dyed in the wool coco-nut and interested to see how it would take to the good old Neopolitan treatment.

A lot to live up to

I’m sorry to say that the result isn’t as ambrosial as I’d expected. While the coconut is as moist and chewy as good coconut should be, I have to admit that I miss the contrasting textures that other coconut confections usually achieve with smooth chocolate coating. OK, not a huge concern. Unfortunately the flavors, which could have been this confection’s saving grace, are pretty unimpressive. Maybe I tried a defective bar, because the “chocolate” portion tasted like strawberry, while the “vanilla” and “strawberry” sections just tasted like coconut with hints of generic sweetener.

Rather Faceless

When I checked out maker Crown Candy Corporation’s website, I was surprised to find a wide selection of what seemed to be gourmet, hand-made coconut treats, but no trace of this bar. It seems to be quite an old product (though information is scant and just how old it is I’m not certain) and I wonder if Crown Candy inherited it from a now-defunct producer and simply continues to manufacture it without much interest in bringing it up to speed with the rest of their seemingly high-end lines. Here’s to hoping Crown Candy will give this old timer the royal treatment such a kicking  concept deserves.

“A lovely bunch of coconuts

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in Candy, Candy Tips, Chocolate, Nostalgic/Retro, Reviews, Soft