When unassuming confectioners at the gateway to the West’s own Sunline Candies first devised their now world renowned mixture of citric acid, dextrose, artificial and natural flavors, they weren’t looking to turn children into fleet hellions supercharged for evil (more than usual). No, they just wanted to sell a vaguely sweet, vaguely fruity drink mix they called “Frutola.” When it became clear that most kids didn’t want to wait around for water and a glass and were consuming the sweet powder directly from the package, Sunline decided to go with the flow, changing the name of their product to the edgier “Fruzola” and packaging it with a spoon for lickin’ purposes. As the wheels of science turned and word filtered to the ears of discerning parents that consuming large quantities of pure sugar would never be considered healthy, Sunline once again changed their game and compressed tablets of Fruzola to produce the more palatable seeming SweeTarts. Eventually acquired by Nestle’s Wonka subsidiary, Sunline’s legacy of sugar-schtick remains alive and well in Pixy Stix, and most recently, Giant Pixy Stix.
Before you old-timers “split a log” wondering why anyone in his right mind would want to subject himself to a Giant Pixy Stix, I say hold your horses. Remember your youth– relentlessly experimenting, searching for the next thrill? Staying up ‘til 10, 12, 2 and so on? Wearing shorts in the dead of a Yukon December? Lying about “Blopple” being in the Scrabble dictionary? You were always pushing the envelope, trying to chart the bounds of your life and luck. It’s the same with the kids today with their twitter, their speculative finance and their Giant Pixy Stix. We may not understand it, we may not condone it, and we may not know how to broach the subject at the dinner table—but by gum, we’ve got to tolerate it. Yes, we live in a world in which Seth MacFarlane has three primetime television shows and where Giant Pixy Stix exist. Maybe it’s a phase? They’ll probably get over it.
Got Grandkiddies? Get the little Pixies something that shows you speak their language.