17 Feb

Cherry Bites 0

While not technically licorice, chewy, red, fruit flavored candy ropes such as Twizzlers and Red Vines are certainly more popular than the genuine article in the U.S. Most of these reds approximate a strawberry flavor, but HERSHEY’S Twizzlers have also been available in a bite-size cherry variation since 1990.

When this was cool

Let me preface the forthcoming statements with an assurance that I’m not against fruit snacks. In the fourth grade, for example, “gushers” were worth more than their weight in gold and even the mere suggestion of ones future willingness to facilitate their entrance into the classroom often liberated the potential trafficker from social mores whose neglect would have been considered inadmissible under normal circumstances, such as using the computer during a peer’s allotment, cutting in line WHENEVER he wanted, and not having to participate in read-aloud time. To be sure, I’ve eaten my fair share of glutinous fruit polymer and ken a good gummi when I spy one. I’ve tangoed with Twizzler during many a movie and recall the pairings with fondness.

Nearly this good.

It’s as a friend and neighbor that I implore this product to explain why, in an age of space-travel, quadruple-protein processing ribosomes and 170 mpg vehicles, it tastes like Robitussin. I understand that natural flavors may be more expensive to mass-produce but there must be a better alternative to the blend they’re using now. An open question: medicinal / spiritual incentives aside, does anyone actually enjoy the flavor of Robitussin? Don’t be shy, if you’re out there I want to hear from you and a team of scientists wants to study your brain.

What is it you like about this stuff?

I like the idea of bite-size red icorice snacks. These cherry bites look cool (almost like a little bow, or pile of logs), are stimulating on the tongue due to their smooth, ridged consistency, and are really very juicy, springy and chewy (especially so when fresh). All of these are excellent attributes according my sensibilities, but the taste is just too factory-fire-burn-and-cauldron-bubble for me to consider seeking them out again.

“But you don’t have to take my word for it!”






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in Candy, Candy Tips, Kosher, Reviews

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