Archive for December, 2009

10 Dec

Ante Up! 0

5

Madelaine is a confectionery known for its stunning chocolate facsimiles, especially it’s roses. So I was excited to sample their attractive and tempting High Roller Milk Chocolate Poker Chips.  A cool idea, but do they hold up?

25

A really good game of poker is played out in nuances—tense rounds of betting drawn out through sly bluffs and counterbluffs designed to test the bravado of the seasoned players and milk the rubes for all they’re worth. To do this properly, you need a wide variety of chips. Unfortunately, Madelaine only includes two varieties in its “High Roller” set,  5’s and 25’s. I’d get a real kick out of playing poker with chocolate chips, (especially since it would keep the meager pile that passes as my savings safe from the hawkish talons of the conniving grifters who pass for my friends), but with only two chips to chose from (and with no difference between them!) there’s little incentive for really competitive play. The chocolates are decent, but suffer from the dreaded “Christmas chocolate” syndrome, a cheap, vaguely minty taste that leaves a lot to be desired.

So here’s a proposal, Madelaine; get serious about your poker chips!  Think how popular (and expensive) a full set of chips might be (1’s, 5’s, 10’s, 25’s, etc), especially if each variety offered something different relative to its token value. Save the “Christmas chocolate” for your 1’s, make the 5’s a nice milk, the 10’s a decadent dark, the 25’s marzipan or caramel filled. Eh? How ‘bout it?  Just remember, you read it here first…

You don’t have to be a high-roller to afford these chips from Candy.com

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4 Dec

When life gives you lemons, make Hot Tamales 0

hot tamales

Introduced in 1950, these spicy little cinnamon cylinders were devised in an inspired act of recycling that once again proves the old mantra, “good things come to those that don’t waste.” When the Just Born Candy Company of Bethlehem Pennsylvania found that a batch of their signature “Mike and Ikes” hadn’t turned out quite as well as they’d hoped, they made the best of the situation with a little red coloring and lot of cinnamon flavoring. They liked what they got, and “Hot Tamales,” the deviously spicy cousin of Mike and Ike, has been a Just Born staple ever since.

images

While bearing only a very tenuous resemblance to the steam-cooked corn flour wraps that give them their name, “Hot Tamales” are quite satisfying and quite adept at delivering the kind of “wave your hands and look frantically for a glass of milk” feel typically associated with popular Meso-American cuisine. What I’m trying to say is they’re hot little suckers, in every way deserving of your respect and time. Cheaper by far, than sinus headache medications and safer (gastronomically speaking) than most wing-nights, “Hot-Tamales,” recall the (perhaps wrongfully) archaic confectionery sensibility that suggests sweets can be both recreational and restorative. We at Candy.com say,  here’s to harmless tonics and sweet serendipity!

Click here to see Candy.com’s Selection of Hot Tamales

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whitecrunchcrunchbar

Dear Head of Crunch Division,

We’ve been getting reports lately that the regular crunch bar simply doesn’t cut it anymore.  The public wants something new, something exciting, something dangerous, something that will keep them up late at night, trying to figure out our next move. We want their efforts to be futile.

turkey

This Thanksgiving, as I sat amid the carnage of the holiday feast, I came to regard the gutted carcass of that erstwhile bird whose roasted body had served as our main repast. The skin and bones, now dry and barren, had supported rich bevies of plump, juicy meats only hours before—meats both dark and light. As the tryptophan took effect and I felt my girth being swallowed by the Ostrich leather lounger, I was scintillated by visions of what Crunch could be.  These visions both enchanted and disturbed me.

paradise

I saw dozens of Crunch Bars, frisking in fields of puffed rice beside streams overflowing with milk chocolate. At first their play was vital, joyous, full of the light of morning and childhood.  Soon however, the Crunch Bars grew bored– their dancing listless, their crispiness laconic. Even the Buncha Crunches seemed to sigh with an ennui perverse in ones so young. I looked upon my creation and was troubled. I shouted “What’s everybody so depressed about, eh? How can my children be so ungrateful?”

flower

They replied that life felt stagnant, that since they were all the same and always would be, that they had little to look forward to and didn’t even take pleasure from being consumed anymore.

I admit, I hadn’t foreseen this.

I asked, “How can I alleviate your burdens?”

As one they replied, “Look to the Turkey.”

yinyang

I was jolted awake, sweating and found myself clutching something warm in each hand.

In my right palm sat a morsel of dark meat; rich, strong and earthy.

In my left a bit of white; whimsical and quixotic.

The yin and yang of existence.

Do you read me, Mr. Crunch?

whitechocolate

I’m talking cocoa-butter and lots of it. Milk solids and no more than 55% sweetener. I’m talking White Chocolate Crunch and I want you to make it happen.  Nothing less than the fate of Nestle and the well-being of the extended Crunch family may be at stake. Please, think of the little Buncha Crunches.

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