Famously dropped from aircraft across American cities in the early 1920s in the kind of highly ironic, “devil-take-the-hindmost” marketing misanthropy for which these United States have become deservedly notorious, Butterfinger hawkers have always sought to cultivate an “edgy” image. “A confection named for oafishness? How droll!” While Curtiss Candy Company of Chicago never got the obvious choices of Moe, Larry or Curly to endorse their bar, everyone’s favorite heartless multi-national Nestle had the good sense (and greens) to enlist The Simpsons as spokescartoons when they purchased the brand in 1990. Through 2001, phrases like “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!” and “Bite my Butterfinger!” could be heard shrilling from the infallible gold lips of Bart through televisions sets across America and beyond, making the bar at least a bit hipper by association.
Now, it’s the time of year when society urges us to be introspective—to take a moment and consider what we’re thankful for. Sure, I could give the Butterfinger the proverbial “Indian” rub, really take its “stuffing” out, but that’s not what this season is all about. Instead, I’m going to list the reasons why I’m thankful the Butterfinger exists.
1. They’re not as bad as Skor. Seriously! Although similar, the Butterfinger is not as paryltically cloying as Skor, which is reason enough to rejoice.
2. They won’t burn! According to the Simpsons, (who were slightly bitter after having been dumped) even fire won’t eat butterfinger.
3. The pieces that fall out of your mouth (which is always, making a huge mess) usually melt swiftly and can be easily wiped up with a moist towel or towelette.
4. They remind you of the wealth of other foods that exist! No, Butterfinger is not the dominant food paradigm on planet earth. Pa won’t be slicing no Butterfingerball Turkey this Thursday, no one will be passing the ButterfingerBeans, and lord, there will be no boat of drawn Butterfinger to pour over the mashed potatoes, hallelujah!
Enjoy the feast, Leave the sweets ‘til dessert and Happy Thanksgiving from Candy.com!